I b
orn and bought up in northern district of Kerala, Kasargod. Borders cannot make restriction to language, culture…. So at a time Karnataka my nearby state also influenced me a lot. Now I am flexible for both cultures. I belong to a middle class family with small small joys, sorrows, limitations, ambitions but no limits to grow. Myself and my younger sister we both were excellent in studies as well as extra curricular activities. My father, a govt school employee who was not able to spend money to make his kids extra ordinary. We won prizes in all competitions in school and districts level. Elocution, dance, poetry, drama whatever we used to be in front. After completing my higher secondary, I thought now I have to decide how to look after my family. Many dreams own house, sister’s marriage…. How to go about! But whom I can approach to get a job in my 17yrs, I knocked many doors painting, work shop, sales man, medical representative… but my mind was just murmuring when I will be 18 to step on to my great ambition from child hood to become a soldier. I was so lucky at the age of 18 itself I got selection in Indian army through open recruitment forum. Days were so pleasant like in spring. Decision was strong but say good bye to my parents and my little sister really hurted me…. I am sure, a small breeze was just consoling me “son u will be a great soldier”.
I joined ‘The Parachute Regiment’ Indian Army. After completing basic t
raining in top rank, they consider my ability & suggested my name ‘Special Force Training Wing’ …. No doubt “SPECIAL FORCE” who is going to support all the battalions…..fight till the last breath for our country...... "Mushkil vaqt, COMMANDO sakt". I completed my commando course with in three stages in three states, full of spirit to serve. I got my first posting to 21 Para SF my mother unit.Six years has gone like six days but it has blessed me with six eras of beautiful memories to live with. My sister got happily married and settled in Dubai, my own house…..shifted from the rented house to our heaven….but on top of everything I achieved one “BALIDHAN” as a commando.
4th October 2002 we were returning from Kupwara… all were exhausted after encounter…… but commando spirit was giving us energy as after a sound sleep at night. Two days without sleep, food… but nothing can make a commando tired… 15 commandos in one stallion…alert …..but…,a big sound…???????????????? 
14 days of deep sleep, I woke up no shooting sound….no parade….no commands… only beep sounds alarms of machine…. Not able to move a bit severe headache. As Hindu myth I thought I have gone to hell after my death, but in vague I recognized my buddy… not able to speak… tracheostomy ( a surgical incision on neck to make a bypass to lungs), head is fixed with some pins that pierced into my skull, my buddy told me I am in intensive care unit of BH Srinagar on ventilator, with tracheostomy, skeletal traction, supra pubic catheter…as a layman to medical terminologies I was curiously asking about my limbs. I never understood the prognosis of my diagnosis “SPINAL CORD INJURY”… I realized commando should never die for his country because he has to do more and more for his country till the end of his youth and then train others…I have to get out of it , if I die I am not going to fulfill my duties. I have to join back…. After my stabilization they shifted me to Army hospital (R&R). Five months were eventful with cardiac arrest, pneumonia, UTI, bedsore……….I have taken five months to conquer that giggling death. One great relief, great commando has regained his health, “commando thakta nahi, thakhayaa jaata hai”. I was eagerly waiting to get out of my bed. Hope time will fly away, one morning I will get discharge, one month sick leave and I can join back in service with a rejuvenating energy in my blood. But days fallen off.. No improvement I was not able to move my limbs. I was transferred out to MH Kirkee, Pune.
14 days of deep sleep, I woke up no shooting sound….no parade….no commands… only beep sounds alarms of machine…. Not able to move a bit severe headache. As Hindu myth I thought I have gone to hell after my death, but in vague I recognized my buddy… not able to speak… tracheostomy ( a surgical incision on neck to make a bypass to lungs), head is fixed with some pins that pierced into my skull, my buddy told me I am in intensive care unit of BH Srinagar on ventilator, with tracheostomy, skeletal traction, supra pubic catheter…as a layman to medical terminologies I was curiously asking about my limbs. I never understood the prognosis of my diagnosis “SPINAL CORD INJURY”… I realized commando should never die for his country because he has to do more and more for his country till the end of his youth and then train others…I have to get out of it , if I die I am not going to fulfill my duties. I have to join back…. After my stabilization they shifted me to Army hospital (R&R). Five months were eventful with cardiac arrest, pneumonia, UTI, bedsore……….I have taken five months to conquer that giggling death. One great relief, great commando has regained his health, “commando thakta nahi, thakhayaa jaata hai”. I was eagerly waiting to get out of my bed. Hope time will fly away, one morning I will get discharge, one month sick leave and I can join back in service with a rejuvenating energy in my blood. But days fallen off.. No improvement I was not able to move my limbs. I was transferred out to MH Kirkee, Pune. With full of ambitions, I was 100% sure I will be alright, just dreaming in AN 32, after two hours of journey I reached Kirkee. I was shifted to SCIC, at a glance I noted the board, but nothing clicked. So many young generations bounded on wheel chair. What’s happening around me? No, never how can I? Oh God, How you can leave me alone? Totally blank, with in the darkness where I will get a candle light? I was literally not able to digest the fact- I am hundred percent disabled soldier completely bedridden…. I lost my dreams…. I was totally disappointed. Nothing in my mind…. No past.. ..no present ..no future....just waiting for my death. I never felt to see or talk to anybody. “Let me die please....don’t irritate me…I don’t want to listen your stupid philosophy”. 
Daily I used to have well wishers from paraplegic rehabilitation centre, a well known institution extending its arms to disabled soldiers. They tried to pull me up from that deep well of depression. More over they conquered my mind, at last I used to wait for them but I could not imagine being one among them. I will commit suicide, but how? Can u imagine such a drastic turn over in your life? Can u give my life back? I want to be on my foot once again… please give me your little finger like a toddler I can try to get up? If u r leaving me here, only one request doesn’t forget me once I was also like you….walked around…
I was a ‘Commando’ from 21 Para SF. I want to be the same till my last breath….
Daily I used to have well wishers from paraplegic rehabilitation centre, a well known institution extending its arms to disabled soldiers. They tried to pull me up from that deep well of depression. More over they conquered my mind, at last I used to wait for them but I could not imagine being one among them. I will commit suicide, but how? Can u imagine such a drastic turn over in your life? Can u give my life back? I want to be on my foot once again… please give me your little finger like a toddler I can try to get up? If u r leaving me here, only one request doesn’t forget me once I was also like you….walked around…
I was a ‘Commando’ from 21 Para SF. I want to be the same till my last breath….
